I post the most random shit about my life
I would honestly be a lot less messed up if you didn’t tell me those things that night. But then I would never get the closure. But I’m so screwed up in the head… that I’m oddly okay with not getting the closure. Cause this seems endless and I’m just fucking sick of missing you.
I’m fucking sick of going to places where you kissed me and have this sinking feeling in my gut. I’m fucking sick of knowing that there isn’t any part of my body you haven’t touched because it will always be a constant reminder. I’m fucking sick of seeing you in every guy I meet now.
And I’m a fucking hypocrite. I can’t explain how I feel this way and then that way. I’m fucking scared you’ll meet someone you’ll open up to besides me. I’m fucking scared I lost my best friend. I’m fucking scared I’ll never allow anyone that much power over my wellbeing again.
TL;DR Don’t ever ever ever date your best friend.
It’s not about wanting you in my life anymore, it’s about me. You care for me so well and so much that I have forgotten to care for myself. Splitting up does not mean anything. It’s a selfish decision, I know. Unless I work to improve on myself, I don’t think I deserve you.
I remember one time, before we were together, we were both high out of our minds. I told you the one secret I never even felt comfortable enough to share with BKG. And despite my state, I knew I could trust you with every fiber in my body. And I know you’ve never trusted someone before as much as you trusted me.
You still take care of me when I’m drunk. You still listen to me cry. You still care. You still love me.
How is it possible for everything to just go to shit like this?